Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize