I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
