haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
