I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
