I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
