you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
