He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
