he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
