Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
