She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
