she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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