i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
