Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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