perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
