so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
