Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
