It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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