worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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