i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
