my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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