Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
