my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
