I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
