I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
