i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
