let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
