your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
