Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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