my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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