Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
