i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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