well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
