i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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