I have demons in me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
