all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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