What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
