i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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