awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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