I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize