God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize