it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
