I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
