Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
50% drunk capacity currently
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
