He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
