If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
