is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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