She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
