so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
