who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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