im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize