I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
