I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
