Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
