this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
