mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
