R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize