I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
