8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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