At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
