I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm both gender and math confused
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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