All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize