I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
