the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
