I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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