you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
