Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I party with great urgency now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
