grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize