she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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