Im at strip club and am horny
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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