im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
