When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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