If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
