ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
